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Sunday 4 June 2023

Phoebe

We had to say goodbye to our cat Phoebe last week. She had a large lesion in her gum, and although the vets could find no sign of anything malignant, they were unable to stop it from bleeding or clear it up. She gradually stopped eating and became weak and wobbly on her feet, and cried pitifully.

Here is her official passport photograph (no smiling or sunglasses).

Phoebe was a rescue cat from the RSPCA. She had being abandoned in a pub car park with kittens, all with severe cat flu. She was about five when we got her, and we had her for eight and a half years.

I think we might have had a cat sooner had it not been for Grandma. She hated cats, especially when they rubbed against her legs. The look or feel of any kind of fur made her shudder. As a volunteer in an Oxfam shop, she had great difficulty showing any clothing with fur to customers, and once had to hand over a fur stole at arm’s length. After she moved to live near us and no longer needed to stay, when our Son went off to university we replaced him with a cat. Daughter thought it a great improvement.

“They’ve got a CAT”, Grandma told everyone, disgust and venom in her voice. When here, if Phoebe passed too close and Grandma thought no one was watching, out would come her stick and Phoebe would receive a sharp poke and a “pshssst”.

You don’t realise how much you will miss them: Phoebe I mean. She was the gentlest, most trusting animal I have ever known. She no longer waits for her breakfast in the morning, or comes wanting to snuggle up or play. We look for her curled in the places she slept, in her bed or under her bush in the garden, or in the window watching the birds. We expect to see her zig-zagging crazily back and forth across the lawn with the wind up her tail, or her pretty face at the front window waiting to be let in, only to go straight out of the back to run round and miaow to be let in again. For a moment, we start to check where she is before we go to bed or go out. She is no longer here to talk to. Her presence is missing from the house.

42 comments:

  1. I do sympathise, Phoebe sounds to have been a very loving member of your household. (Grandma not quite so much!)

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    1. Thank you. Grandma was loved, too, of course, but she was struggling with all links of problems in her later years.

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  2. I do know just how you feel. My boy Rupert was 18, and had been with me since he was 4 weeks old. A farm kitten, his mother had been run over by a tractor. I cried for 3 days when he died, and expected to see him in his favourite spots for months. There's the packing up of all their stuff, bedding, toys. It feels disloyal. It was years before I could face having another cat, then a tiny stray tabby appeared around the corner of the house, and that was that!

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    1. I guess it takes some time before it is sensible to consider another. We did spend a few hours looking at cats at the RSPCA but anyway, it's not the right time of year when you have to keep them indoors for a couple of weeks.

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  3. We've never had cats, always dogs with four out of the six we've had being rescued. Saying that, our daughter has a cat, also rescued and she, like Phoebe is a very loving cat. They do leave a big empty void when they go, don't they? Are you thinking of getting another, not to replace Phoebe, but to fill the void?

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    1. Might eventually have another in a few months or next year. Wife also considering a dog.

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  4. My condolences about Phoebe. What a beautiful cat she was! Sounds like she was a wonderful addition to your family and your life as well.

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    1. Thank you. She really fell on her paws coming here, as did we. Everyone said how pretty she was with her regular markings and all the colours in her fur.

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  5. My sincere condolences to you & yours. Ginger & white cats are special, and Phoebe was beautiful! May her memory be a blessing.

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    1. Thank you. She also liked to wriggle on her back to have the thick white fur of her tummy rubbed, and when you did she didn't go for you like a lot of cats do.

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  6. The loss of a pet can be such a hard thing to bear. Mos tof us have done it, more than once and that makes it no easier.

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    1. Me too - she's the 5th can I've lived with, all a long time ago, but I felt more attached to Phoebe that the others.

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  7. Aww, poor little Phoebe. I have learned after gaining and losing many little furry friends in my 82 years that the best way to heal a hurting heart when a little furry friend leaves us, is to replace with another to honor how much you loved their predecessor. If your heart had love in it for Phoebe, she would want another little furry friend to have love. I have had cats live to 18, 19 or 20 years and could only wait a couple of months before acquiring another. It doesn't mean you loved Phoebe less.

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    1. Wise words. It would be very easy to get another, but if we do I think it would be best to wait until after the hot weather (assuming there is some).

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  8. What a beautiful kitty. I'm sorry that her lesion could not be remedied and there is an absence where she once was.

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    1. She was very loveable, but all cats are and the repay it. I think they reflect their owners' personalities. The vets were a bit baffled by what was wrong when the biopsy showed nothing, but she was going downhill quickly.

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  9. Phoebe was a beautiful cat and remains so, somewhere just out of reach.
    I've had cats all my life, every one a rescue. My short time without one and now I've adopted a cat on the street for five years. She's coming around.

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    1. Yes, I've read what you write about. Some cats are very nervous of us, but I feel sure she'll trust you before long.

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  10. So sorry to read about Phoebe. She was obviously a well loved cat.

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    1. Absolutely pampered. She adored my wife (as do I!).

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  11. It is sad to lose an animal companion but Phoebe was well looked after I am sure. Her shadow will haunt the house for sometime and then she will gradually fade away.

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    1. They really do become part of the family. She won't be forgotten. I still talk about other the cats I've lived with.

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  12. I am sorry to read this. They do fit themselves into our lives, don't they? And when they are gone, they leave an empty space behind. It may be hard to contemplate right this minute, but remember that there are other cats in dire circumstances.

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    1. I like that, Debby, that if we take rescue cats it goes not have to be entirely for selfsish reasons.

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  13. There have been cats in my family for as long as I can remember, and they were always family members in their own right. My last cat died of old age 10 years ago, and the way I live now (with weekends almost always at O.K.'s, and frequently away for work, too), it would be very unfair to any pet to force it to live with me and spend a lot of time alone.
    But I still love cats and talk to them whereever I meet them, and I know only too well how much heartache goes with every pet we lose to illness, accident or old age.
    You wrote a touching tribute to beautiful Phoebe.

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    1. Thank you. We cannot pass a cat without talking to it and ever stroking if it is friendly. It sounds like you will have another as soon as circumstances allow.

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  14. Our hearts really go out to you. Their loss is an ache that we are beginning to have to contemplate and have no idea who the gap in our lives would ever be filled. The trust, the companionship, the entertainment, even the lessons they can provide, that buzzing in my arthritic left hip whenthe curled up cat starts purring. We are truly sorry to read that Phoebe had an uncomfortable affliction and send your our sincere condolences on the loss of a deaar friend and family member. (xxx F and Mr T)

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    1. Thank you. Yes, they do teach us so much, especially about everything that is important in the world.

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  15. I'm sorry about Phoebe. Losing a pet is always hard no matter what the circumstances.

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    1. It is had, Steve. Yet, when we live 5 or more times as long as they do, we know it is inevitable. That does not mate it any easier, though.

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  16. She was so pretty. I know well the "presence is missing" part from when Angel vanished, but I have Lola now so that helps.

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    1. Phoebe was very pleasing-to-the eye, and gentle and communacitive too.

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  17. Sorry for your loss Tasker. She was a fine looking cat. I love the way she is standing in the passport picture - like an Egyptian.

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  18. Dear Tasker, you have a very witty way to write - true English humour in my eyes - and I enjoy it. Though the death of your cat is sad. I have a friend who doesn't travel anywhere anymore because of her cat who might die. At least since two years.
    I think you could tell more than this story about your Grandma...

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    1. Thank you. Having any cat means that you cannot go away without planning. Yes, Grandma (my m-i-l) was a character with many stories. We got on well and I liked her very much.

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  19. What a neat and tidy cat she was. Do hope you get another;

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    1. She was lovely. Won't be getting another straight away, but as Debby says above, there are other cats in dire circumstances.

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  20. This was your post about your pet. So why did I feel it necessary to write the following comment? You opened up something in my brain that has long been pushed to the back. I obviously needed to let it all out.

    I'm not a 'pet person' but in 1994 I 'inherited' a large and ancient ginger tom. I don't recall his proper name because he was called BP (Big Puss). In 2005 at a very grand old age he became ill. It was the first time he'd seen a vet (apart from a medical and jabs when he arrived in my house). She gave him medication. I was going to New Zealand a day or two later, It was as if he knew. Later that night I rang the vet whose practice it was because BP had become very distressed. BP was put to sleep in my arms at the vets later that night.

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    1. Thank you for this, which like other commenters above reminds us that we all feel the same. It is an awful experience, isn't it, when you know what is about to happen and they don't, and they are so trusting.

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  21. You certainly do miss them. Husband has the same attitude as Grandma when it comes to cats.

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    1. My mother-in-law could not stand any kind of fur. We wondered whether it was down to something in her childhood.

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